“Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I chose the one less traveled by.
And
that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost
In thinking back over the
many significant conversations I’ve had in my life I find I am surprised
to realize that the most significant conversation to me was not one with any
of the intellectual or spiritual giants I have been blessed with in my life.
It was not even one of those wonderful random epiphanies triggered by some totally
unrelated snipet of conversation. Rather it was a job interview, for a job I
choose not to take. This was so unexpected that it was remarkably hard to recognize.
When I got the assignment I set an autobot up in my mind to search out the most significant conversation of my life. I assumed it would get me the answer right away, when the continued search went on for several days I was concerned. When a week had passed and the bot was still dutifully reviewing memories and nothing was ringing the bell yet, I knew something was wrong. Either with me or the search parameters but something was wrong.
So I took some down time and really had a think about this. Out of all these memories was there not at least a top 10 that I could just pick one and get on with it, and to my dismay there was not. While I could just pick one, I knew the true answer was there if I could just tease it out. So I reprogrammed the bot to come up with a top 3 and let it run for a few more days. When I got back to it I was again surprised that while the bot had selected 3 memories of conversations and I knew any of them would be fine for this assignment, it didn’t feel right.
I wanted to find “THE ONE”, that single human voice communication
that had the most significant impact in my life. So I thought some more and
finally discovered that the bot had indeed found it long ago, but I was rejecting
the memory as to pedestrian, to mundane, to be IT, without realizing what I
was doing. Ah ha, WOW, yup that’s the one: I was twenty one, fresh out
of the Navy and back to the world, (what we called the USA from Southeast Asia),
for only about 6 months. It was the day I almost became an IBMer.
It was a bright warm spring day and I was so excited. If things went well I’d realize a dream that day, I’d get an offer to join IBM. I had already had three interviews, taken two tests and a physical. This would be I thought the final interview and most likely an offer.
I drove down to the IBM building with thoughts of how I would soon “belong” here. I checked in with the receptionist and as I waited noticed the sharp professional looking people coming and going. And I happily thought; that was going to be me.
At the time I was fixing typewriters at Primary Children’s Hospital. Since that made me part of the maintenance department I was required to wear the maintenance green uniform. I hated it! Uniforms in any way were offensive to me after the military but this was even worse. This uniform segregated us, in the hospital status was immediately identifiable by your uniform. This uniform designated me as the lowest form of life, this micro society’s N word. We were expected to step aside and act invisible when we encountered doctors or nurses. I hadn’t understood this at first, and was reprimanded for talking to a doctor like a regular person, who did I think I was, I should know my place.
My contact came out and took me to his office. We sat down and he told me how well my other interviews had gone. He said that all that was left was for me to meet his boss and “As long as you don’t piss on his desk, your hired.” ha ha ha!
Then he proceeded to talk to me about the future, the IBM vision of the future. He said computers were going to be in everything one day. He said that it wouldn’t be long before all mechanical typewriters were obsolete. This was in 1973; the first microprocessor has just been invented by my future boss Ted Hoff in 1971. Computers used typewriters with paper for terminals; they didn’t have screens yet.
This was astonishing, totally new news to me and to anyone else I knew. A decade latter this came to be accepted common knowledge, two decades later it is a day to day fact of life. I honestly couldn’t imagine it at the time, but this was IBM talking, who would know better? He said that those who didn’t know electronics and computers were going to be left behind. He said that by my joining IBM, I too would be part of this glorious future. I was slightly dumbfounded at what this really meant but totally jazzed to be involved.
As he was bringing the meeting to an end and talking about the final interview with his boss he said: “Now before I met his boss I needed get a haircut and be sure to wear a white shirt, tie and dark suit.” Being only six months out of the Navy my hair was already short by my standards; I was just getting to look like a civilian again for Pete’s sake! And suddenly I realized the suit was just another uniform. A much better status one then the green maintenance uniform I was wearing to work at the time but still a uniform none the less.
And that neat professional look I had been admiring was really a statement of conformity. I saw that all of the IBMer culture that I had so looked forward to being a part of was really nothing more then a way to produce look alike repeatable worker units. It was worst of the Mormons and the Navy combined! Holly Jesus what am I getting myself in for here?
I left in a state of shock and really didn’t know what to do. I drove up to the mountains and sat on the side of a hill where I could look out over the valley. I could really believe that IBM would give me a secure and prosperous future, but at what cost to my soul? With great regret I finally realized that I couldn’t do it. Even if it meant never getting above the lot of a green uniformed peon, it was not for me. I had never been able to happily or successfully conform and become another cog in the machine. I was flawed in some basic way that always made me a burr, a rough spot in the well oiled machine.
No matter how hard I tried to just go along and fit in; it just never worked. So I called them back and cancelled the appointment. I took a different path, from that day forward. I looked for places that would accept and appreciate someone different. Places to work that didn’t have a problem with long hair and a hippy attitude.
Looking back over my career I can now see how lucky I was to have made that decision. It turns out that most of the really creative people; the driving forces behind the computer revolution were almost all like that. I found a whole world of people who would accept me as I am, on my terms and respect me for it. I eventually learned that many of those people consider it a sign of inner strength and creative spirit not to conform to the pressures of society. I could never have guessed the doors this would open for me.
I didn’t forget what he had told me about the future though. I believed that even though it was inconceivable to me, IBM knew. And of course today it is obviously come to pass. Because of this I was ready when the next place I interviewed for a typewriter mechanic job they said: “Do you know anything about electronics?” Sure I said, I had basic electronics in the Navy. I wasn’t about to miss a second opportunity to be part of the future IBM saw. It was big stretch of the truth, but I did have some of the basics down already. So they made me an appointment to interview with the service manager the next day. I went directly to the library. I checked out every book on basic electronics and studied all night. The next day when I went for the interview I knew more then enough. I got the job and started working on the first non-IBM word processors and computer terminals.
It opened the door for me that lead to the next twenty five years of the most amazing and wonderful career anyone could hope for. And even a small part in creating the revolution. But it all hinged on that one decision, that one realization that I had to me true to myself. That I had to be myself, as weird and different as that may be, regardless of the apparent cost in prestige, acceptance and financial security. In that decision I set be cornerstone for who I would become. At the time it felt like throwing away any chance at a better life, now I can see that it was in fact it was the key to a life beyond my dreams then.
I think there is a theme emerging in my essays. A theme of letting go and acceptance that at the time appeared to be loss and only much latter in my personal history can I see as gain and the key to getting what I really wanted.
It seems that the universe has tested me again and again where the only right answer for me was totally wrong from society’s common sense point of view. I made the choices I did because I was following my path of heart, doing what was right for me. And each time the doom and ruin that society predicted for me never materialized. In fact in some bizarre way just the opposite eventually came to pass.
I think there is a pithy lesson in all this somewhere. Perhaps it is simply be true to yourself, be willing to sacrifice whatever you have to, believe in your dreams and never, never, accept the visions of doom society projects for those who leave the well trodden path.